In a world that places immense value on romantic relationships, it’s easy to believe that being single means something is missing. Movies, TV shows, and even well-meaning friends often push the idea that love will “complete” us, that finding a partner is the final piece of the puzzle that will make our lives whole. However, academic Bella DePaulo challenges this perspective with a powerful argument: being single is not a lesser life, and for many, it can be the most fulfilling way to live.
But beyond the idea that singleness can be a joyful and meaningful lifestyle choice, embracing independence as a single person can also be a crucial first step toward building a healthy and lasting relationship.
Finding Fulfilment Within Yourself.
One of the most damaging myths about relationships is that we need someone else to make us whole. DePaulo’s research, and the experiences of many single people, challenge this idea head-on. For those who are “single at heart,” their fulfilment doesn’t come from coupling up but from living an authentic, independent life that aligns with who they truly are. They don’t see singleness as a temporary phase while waiting for “Mr. or Mrs. Right.” Instead, it is a deliberate and positive choice that allows them to live life on their own terms.
This mindset can be incredibly liberating, even for those who eventually want to be in a relationship. When you focus on finding happiness within yourself first, you become less reliant on external validation or the idea that a partner will fill the void. Instead of seeing a relationship as something that defines you or “completes” you, it becomes a healthy addition to an already fulfilling life.
Building Confidence and Emotional Strength.
Many people enter relationships with emotional baggage from past experiences or a sense of inadequacy, hoping that a partner will “fix” their problems. However, expecting someone else to heal your wounds or provide all your happiness can place unnecessary strain on a relationship. By taking time to build confidence and emotional strength independantly, you’re able to develop a sense of self that isn’t dependent on anyone else.
This emotional independence creates a solid foundation for a future relationship. When you know who you are, what you want, and what brings you joy on your own, you’re less likely to settle for a relationship that doesn’t meet your needs. You’ll also be more resilient in the face of challenges, and your partner won’t feel the pressure of being your sole source of happiness. Emotional strength allows for healthier dynamics, where both partners contribute to each other’s well-being without feeling burdened by unrealistic expectations.
Attracting the Right Person.
Being happily independent isn’t just beneficial for your personal growth—it can also make you more attractive to potential partners. Confidence, self-sufficiency, and a clear sense of purpose are all qualities that draw people in. When you’re content in your single life, you’re more likely to exude a positive, magnetic energy that others find appealing.
Moreover, being independent allows you to set higher standards for yourself and the relationships you enter into. You’re less likely to rush into a relationship out of fear of being alone, you can break unhealthy dating cycles and instead of looking for someone to fill a void, you’ll be open to finding someone who enhances your already fulfilling existence.
Breaking Away from Societal Pressure.
Bella DePaulo’s work highlights how society often stigmatises singles, pushing the idea that being single is a temporary state. However, this pressure can lead to settling for unhealthy or incompatible relationships, simply because people fear the label of being single. The myth that marriage or a romantic relationship is the ultimate marker of success can lead people to prioritise partnership over personal happiness and growth.
By embracing independence and happiness as a single person, you free yourself from these societal expectations. Instead of feeling the need to conform to outdated ideas about romance, you can focus on living a life that is true to you. This mindset shift can help you avoid falling into the trap of rushing into a relationship for the wrong reasons. You’ll also be more likely to recognise when someone isn’t right for you and walk away confidently, knowing that your happiness doesn’t depend on their presence in your life.
A Healthy Relationship Starts with Two Whole People.
Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect, trust, and understanding. They involve two individuals who come together as whole people, not as incomplete halves. When both partners are secure in their sense of self and are happy on their own, they are better equipped to create a relationship that is balanced and fulfilling for both parties.
If you’ve spent time cultivating independence and fulfilment as a single person, you’re more likely to enter a relationship with clear boundaries, realistic expectations, and a deep sense of respect for your partner’s individuality. You won’t be seeking validation or identity from your partner, which can prevent codependency and foster a healthier dynamic.
Conclusion: Being Whole First, Together Second and How Professional Matchmaking Comes in.
The road to a healthy, fulfilling relationship often begins with embracing happiness and independence as a single person. When you find joy within yourself, you stop seeking completion from others, allowing you to approach relationships from a place of strength rather than need. As Bella DePaulo’s research suggests, singleness can be a meaningful and joyful experience, not a waiting room for romantic fulfilment.
For those who do desire a relationship, learning to be content on your own is a vital step in creating a partnership that is based on mutual respect and emotional maturity. By first focusing on becoming whole as an individual, you lay the foundation for a relationship where both partners can thrive, not as each other’s missing halves, but as two complete and fulfilled individuals who choose to walk through life together.
Professional matchmaking fits perfectly into this journey of self-fulfilment by offering a personalised approach to dating that aligns with the individual’s values and needs. Rather than encouraging people to settle or rush into shallow relationships out of societal pressure, matchmakers prioritise genuine compatibility and emotional readiness. They can help you find another who has embraced their independence and happiness, helping you find a partner who mutually complements your life. With a deep understanding of their clients’ personalities and goals, matchmakers can guide you towards relationships that are healthy, balanced, grounded in mutual respect and, most importantly, built to last.
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